last night, something ancient in me stirred in its slumber, rose from its vaults, and came to complete awareness of what it is.
it laughed at the me that ever forgot. the ‘something’ is the Goddess.
shame died as knowing was born. fear melted as knowing crowned, the birth pangs of learning this lesson finally over…… knowing was reborn in me last night…..not ‘belief’….not thought….nothing of the mind…..just pure, unadulterated knowing…..that which we are violently conditioned out of by outer and inner patriarchs.
this morning, i woke up in love. not with me, not with my boyfriend, although both are true. literally IN love. i felt like a seed in the ground being nourished by the earth except im a human in the world being nourished by the earth. fuck how do i explain. i felt like i was ‘swimming’ in a vat of love, and that vat is called life, and everything that had ever not made sense just made sense.
im on to something. something that i sense has taken many, many lifetimes to culminate…….
new plateau. very new. quiet here. there is a calm here that is unknowable while asleep to the divine within you. im not ‘struggling’ against me, or against anything, anymore….its so lovely….. i feel like that girl in divergent who figured out ‘its not real’ while in the simulations. sometimes when i ‘slip’ a leg back down, I hear the roar of the former chaos that was my reality, that is the collective illusory reality. I know now that I can never quite go back to the illusion, I may trip and fall down but I seem to have found a ‘portal’ of sorts…a way out….a way back to knowing, to love…. Something has shifted forever.
this feels like initiation, graduation….its feels like now, once im fully on this new plateau, I get to spend the rest of my life cocreating heaven on earth like we were meant to in the beginning… ….feeling like i cracked some kind of code and life will never be the same.